


Goodbye Proxies

by Ramenlover



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Johnny decides to do the decent thing and not ghost (most) of V's friends, Johnny don't be a dick 2k77, Just general spoilers for how the game ends, Possible spoilers for New Dawn Fades ending, Spoilers for All Along the Watchtower ending, Written by someone who's tired and edited by someone else who's very tired, i have many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28214040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramenlover/pseuds/Ramenlover
Summary: Johnny bites the metaphorical bullet and actually says goodbye to V’s friends and loved ones. He leaves Judy till last because… fuck. How’s he meant to explain this?
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & Female V, Judy Alvarez/Female V
Comments: 22
Kudos: 257





	Goodbye Proxies

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my playthrough of Cyberpunk with how I played V as someone who was mostly merciful and selfless who befriended Johnny as much as possible. May not jive with your personal playthrough!
> 
> Edit: I updated to add 5 words because i just did the mission where you get a cat and I've decided I Need To Acknowledge This

Taking a deep breath, Johnny shook out his arms. He bounced from foot to foot and nodded, working himself up to…

Fuck.

It had taken him weeks to get used to V’s- to his new body. Weeks more before he’d figured out what to do with himself now that he’d had this life. This life she’d given him. Then a few weeks after that to get around to tidying up what was left of her old life.

“Fuck, V,” he muttered, snatching off his glasses. They weren’t exactly his old shades but damn if they were close, he still didn’t remember exactly how he’d found them on the drunken escapade that had been his personal version of recon but he was glad for it. Made him feel like this was really him, not some other person. Some other person who, despite what she’d thought, had been loved.

Panam had technically been first. Though, that wasn’t due to any of his choosing. She’d stayed there by the Mikoshi access point, waiting for however long it had taken for everything to go down between him, V, and Alt. Apparently it had only been a few minutes though she said it’d felt like hours.

When he’d opened his eyes, she’d been on him in an instant. Helping him out of the pool, relief bright and fresh across her face with a smile so big and so bright that it had already broken his new heart to have to disappoint her.

“Thank god, V,” she’d said, sitting down beside where he lay. “Thank fucking god. Thought you’d flatlined there. You were shaking and…” She shook her head, looking down at her hands. “We made it… We…”

“Panam,” he’d said and she’d looked up frowning. “I…” He’d hoped she’d say something, anything, maybe guess. Just anything but make him say it. “I’m not…”

It was there in her eyes. She knew what he was going to say but still made him say it anyway.

“I’m not V.”

That had been that. Shock had been first then very quickly anger. They were in the heart of Arasaka, heart of danger, but she hadn’t cared in the least. Because it wasn’t fair. Because Saul and Teddy and god knows who else had died for V to get this chance. Because it was V who deserved to live not him. Never him.

If he’d been the Johnny Silverhand he’d been before he’d died, he knew that it would not have ended well. He’d have fought back at the very least, either with words or worse. But he wasn’t that Johnny anymore. V had changed him like she changed fucking everything and everyone around her.

So he’d sat there, still soaked through from his trip into Mikoshi, and he’d just taken every word then they’d walked in silence to the exit. With all her new found power, Alt had desecrated the security and they were free to stroll out.

“What’re you gonna tell them?” he’d asked.

“The truth,” she’d said, glaring down at her feet. “Saul and V died. They died but even so the family will be better. We got what we needed to survive just…” She trailed off for a moment but then tightened her jaw. “Take the jacket off. It’s not yours.” There hadn’t been time to argue even if he’d wanted to. With the jacket over one arm, she stalked outside saying she had people mourn.

So that was that.

Next had been the Ripperdoc Vik and the weird tarot girl, Misty. They at least knew the risks, knew what was up. Misty had known the second he’d walked through the door.

“Vik’s with a patient right now, Johnny,” she’d said. “But… he’ll wanna hear this from you.” Then she’d offered him tea on the roof and waited in silence with him till Vik came up to join them.

The pair had listened to what he’d had to say, not that there was a whole lot to it. He’d been in the backseat for most of it but he’d seen enough. Still thrilled him to remember how V’d blown that bastard Smasher’s head off for him. Regards from Silverhand indeed. But Vik and Misty didn’t wanna hear about that, they wanted to know about what V’d said in those last moments in Mikoshi.

Neither were surprised by her choice.

“I knew it,” Vik sighed, rubbing his temples with both hands. “Knew it the second that girl walked in with Jackie for the first time.”

“You knew she’d get overwritten by a dead rocker from fifty years ago?” he asked, surprising himself with how thin the sarcasm was.

“I knew she was gonna get herself killed doin’ something stupid to save someone else,” Vik snapped, voice cracking. “Probably someone who didn’t deserve it. Dammit, V!”

Fuck.

He’d never been able to deal with tears. Not now not ever. In his past life, he’d usually dealt with tears (from family, from exes, from friends) by being more of a dick so they’d leave and he could go get pissed on his poison of the week. Somehow it felt like that was the wrong action to take in this particular case.

Was this his penance? In return for her gift, he had to first suffer at the hands of everyone who’d loved her for the unforgivable sin for surviving instead of her. After Vik had left, Misty had sat there looking out at the city. The tears were silent for her. Shit. First Jackie now V. How many times was she going to have to cry this month?

“I’ll tell Mama Welles,” she said, hiding her face in her sleeves. “She invited me around for dinner tomorrow night and…”

“Will she even believe you?”

“It’s better than lying,” she said. “Or saying nothing at all. She’ll probably still have questions so be ready.”

Questions were not precisely what Mama Welles had had when she’d holo’ed Johnny in the days that followed. Demands for information were more accurate, denials and then silence. Long stretches of it. Finally, she’d invited him along to the memorial for the girl she’d considered a daughter. It was a much smaller affair than Jackie’s had been. Just a small handful of those in the know and those who wouldn’t question why V would be attending her own mourning.

They’d given speeches, talked about her, the things they’d loved, the things they’d miss. Most of them were things he was only vaguely aware of from snatches of memory he’d gotten from her head. At the end, Mama Welles had prayed that V and Jackie were at peace together in the life after this.

“Probably tearing up heaven looking for eddies,” one had said and there were laughs.

All eyes fell to him and he’d awkwardly stood up beside the table littered with trinkets. At the centre there was a photograph of V and Jackie, grinning like a pair of school children. According to Misty it had been taken right after their first job together.

“Hey,” he began. Wasn’t he supposed to be good with words? “So… I didn’t know V as long as you all did but I like to think I got to know her pretty well in that time and, uh, she- she was a dreamer. She dreamed that with enough effort and enough time that she could make things better. Even in this crapsack of a city. She believed in happy endings and thought that people deserved them, even if most people wouldn’t. When things went to shit, she tried to find a single bit of light to aim towards and when there wasn’t any, well, I guess she became that light.” Turning towards the ofrenda, he paused then took the dogtags he’d given her out from under his shirt and laid them down beside the photograph. “I tried, V, I swear I did.”

Rogue had been next. Though that was more for Johnny’s sake than any memory of V. She’d been less than sympathetic, accused him of messing with V’s head and planning this whole thing. Of course, she thought this was all some part of his grand scheme to cheat death itself. What was more punk rock than that after all? Of course she didn’t believe that he’d changed. A Johnny who sacrificed? A Johnny who cared? No. Far far easier to believe he was the same selfish bastard that he’d always been. Nevertheless, she’d agreed to his request.

So, the news of V’s death spread out through her contacts to all the fixers and information dealers in the city. No more jobs coming in for her, no more requests for her particular talents. Just quiet.

The Delamains had been… interesting to talk to. Their concept of death was different from a human’s and most had quite liked the idea that their friend was now an engram existing out beyond the Blackwall. A few even expressed interest in trying to find a way to join her there and he’d wished them luck.

He hadn’t bothered going face to face with River. Just packed that gun he’d given in to a box and left it by the door with a can of lemonade and a note that V wouldn’t need it where she was going. Maybe it was the coward’s way out but of all of them River seemed the most likely to break himself trying to put things ‘right’.

If he could, Johnny would have given Judy the same treatment but he couldn’t. He knew that. He owed it to V to let there be a proper goodbye.

So here he was, standing outside a door he had a key to without the guts to knock. This was a bad idea. He should just go. Just go and find some other way. Maybe she’d already heard the news of V’s death and was mourning. He’d just fuck it up. He should just-

Something crashed in the corridor behind him and he spun around.

Fuck.

Judy stood there, puffy eyes wide, mouth half open and cans of beer scattered at her feet where she’d dropped them.

“V?” she whispered.

“Hey, Jude,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “Listen we-” He didn’t get another word out as Judy flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head against his shoulder.

“I heard-” she croaked. “I thought- Where the fuck have you been?!” It was hard to distinguish more than that as her voice was broken by sobs that wracked her frame. Not trusting himself to speak, he’d just held her.

Had anyone cried like this when they’d heard of his death? Had anyone held memorials? Vigils? Had he ever been loved like she’d been loved?

He knew the answer to that. Knew it in the guts that didn’t belong to him, in the heart that wasn’t his, in the brain he’d invaded. Knew it to the very depths of whatever soul he had left. 

So yeah, he’d comforted V’s girlfriend in that dingy hallway, picked up the beer and put them in the fridge. He’d even ordered take out. Fuck, he’d probably have cleaned the whole damn flat to stop the conversation he was about to have.

“You’re not her are you?” Judy’s voice was quiet, broken.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? Did you kill her?”

“No, this was- this was her decision.” Swallowing thickly, he leaned against the windowsill beside her. “It was all too late. She was too far gone. If she’d come back then she’d just have been dying again anyway.”

Judy closed her eyes, more tears trailing down her cheeks. “This fucking city,” she whispered. “It takes everything. Everyone.”

“I should go,” he sighed. “I just- I mean- I was hoping you’d know what to do with her stuff? There’s so much and she has this cat? But I can’t even stand to- It’s just too much of her, you know?” Didn’t help that he couldn’t look in a mirror without her face staring back at him.

“Let Mama Welles do it,” she said, “I don’t fucking care.”

Taking her hand in his, he said, “Then will you take this?” Her eyes snapped open as he placed the bullet necklace in her palm. “I can’t carry it anymore. I can’t- I can’t wallow in this guilt, this life of hers. She wanted me to have a chance and I can’t do that if I’m carrying all of her around with me. I mean, I’ve got everything  _ I _ need to remember her by.”

Judy held the amulet against her chest and was quiet for several long moments. “Will you hold me?” she asked. “Just… Let me pretend, yeah?”

Was this healthy? Was he even in a position to judge what healthy was?

As she ducked her head down, he carefully wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close.

“Tell me you love me,” she mumbled against his chest. “Like she would’ve.”

He put his mouth against her ear. “I love you.” Warm tears spilled across his shirt.

“Now say goodbye.”

He pressed a kiss against her cheek. “Goodbye, Jude.”

Neither of them spoke again as he quietly left the apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> [Goodbye Vigils](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330239) could be considered a sequel!!


End file.
